Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
