I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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