you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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