I need help removing her.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
