there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
