You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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