Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
