I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
