My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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