Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
