Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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