I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize