ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
