tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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