Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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