he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
