tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
