there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
