How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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