you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
