My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize