My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
