omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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