Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
