Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
