so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize