so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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