Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
