I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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