Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
