is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
