I'm gonna have a badass scar
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
