So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize