I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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