I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
