i barfeds in our rink
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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