lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize