look no pants
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize