if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
