Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
