go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
