final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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