i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
