My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
