Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
