FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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