literally had 100 drinks last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Randomize
