There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
