I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
