i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
