Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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