im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
