# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
