before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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