I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
