i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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