If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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