ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
