Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I look better un-naked...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
