He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize