Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
