i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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