We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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