Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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