Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
