This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
