I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
