he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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