and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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