she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
