I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
