is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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