ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
