you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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