Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
