ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
