If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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