theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
