I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
last night I used snow as a chaser
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