She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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