I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize