i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
