Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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