Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
