God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What drink are we having for lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
